Aipad show’s happy find: Gilbert Garcin

One thing you shouldn’t do is to wake me up before I natually do, especially when I’m still dreaming. Like one day, Moro called me at around 1:30pm. I was really about to wake up but still in dream. I got up, answered his call with my eyes closed for 10 mins. In my mind, I knew it’s time to wake up & get dressed. But my body was so upset that I went back to bed & slept until 3:30PM. If I was not woken up by Moro’s phone call, I would probably got up in 10 mins. But I was really mad about being interrupted in my dreams, so I wasted 2 more hours. I call this retaliatory sleep.

有一件事你最好不要做，就是在我自然醒之前弄醒我。比如有一天， MORO在下午一点半给我打电话。我当时其实马上要醒了，但是梦还没做完。我起来，闭着眼跟他打了10分钟电话。我很清楚是时候醒来了。但是我的身体非常的不满意，于是我又回到床上睡到三点半。如果我没有被MORO的电话吵醒，我大概最多再睡10分钟。但是我真的很生气做梦被打断就又浪费了2小时。我叫这种为报复性睡眠。

One place I really enjoy in NY is Shizen Salon. It’s a Japanese hair salon which gives you shizen(NATURAL) hairstyle. I’ve got my second haircut within 6 weeks, because I can’t wait to go there. Everything makes you feel so comfortable, you’ll know what I mean if you go there. It’s hard to make appointments, you have to do it one month in advance.

来到纽约后，有一个地方我很喜欢去就是自然发社。它是一家提供自然发型修剪的日本发廊。我已经是6周内第二次光顾那里了，因为我等不及再去一次。那里一切都让你觉得很舒服，你去了就知道我在说什么了。很难预约，必须提前一个月。

They also have super cool wall mural.他们有很酷的壁画。

Oops…

I haven’t moved again actually. Although I wish I did. All my life, I’ve never stopped believing I’m a alien. Back to Mars, Mars!

1. I’m moving to Brooklyn, NY next week.
2. I’m a Hey, Hot Shot!
3. I’m traveling with my mom & aunt thru US.
4. I updated my website www.bloodypixy.com.
5. I’m really tired.  

… & later

6. I got an interview from NYMPHOTO.

我一直是很麻木的人，但曾经有一段时间我的生活起伏澎湃，所以感受狂多。后来不知是起茧了，还是生活趋于平淡，再也没有感觉了。

I’ve always been a numb person. Even though, I used to feel alot because my life was up and down (like earthquake). Maybe because I had enough, or my life went even, I no longer feel anything.

说不定还是一直过平淡的生活好啊，就可以习惯感受琐碎的小事了。日本人吃的清淡到底是好啊。

I’m wondering if I can feel little things if my life had always been boring. It’s good for Japanese that they eat tasteless food.  (Gee, how can I express it in English?!)

不过也有可能，我天生SENSOR弱，若是生活一直平淡就一辈子没有过感觉了。

But maybe I was born with a weak sensor. I would had no feeling at all if my life was forever boring.

像无数个夜晚一样，我坐在电脑前，疯狂地点击网页，祈望能看到某件事，某句话，带给我安慰。很累了，心有点隐隐作痛，窗外的鸟都叫了，但是我还是不肯上床。我一直不知道这个毛病叫什么，或者叫它空虚症。我像一个饥饿的人疯狂搜寻食物，但是所有都是虚无。

Like all the other nights, I’m sitting in front of my computer, clicking millions of links, in the hope of seeing some event, a sentence that will comfort me. I’m so tired that my heart start aching. The birds start singing outside. I still don’t wanna go to bed. I never know how to call this symptom, maybe we can call it emptiness. I’m like a hungry man in the desprate search for food, all in vain.

I’ve been constantly thinking about what have I learned about photography, what have I learned since I came to US.

Three years ago, I had no idea what photography is. To me, it was just sth interesting & fresh, compared to my graphic design job. I had the opportunity to change myself again. I came here to learn photography, honestly, I was hoping I could be a “real photographer”. By “real” I mean someone with professional skills, who can make money with more freedom (like the photographer in “Blow-up”). I had no idea what kind of photos I wanna take, I just wished I could take good photos no matter what I shoot, where I shoot.

Then came a series of surprise, confusion & collision. I was surprised that photographer should think more than they see. I was confused to talk about my photos as art work. & I definitely didn’t think myself as artist. “Photographers are not artists.” That was my firm belief. To me, art is sth too far away.

Thanks to all the teachers & fellow students & other friends here, I am changed. I shoot photo projects & almost projects only. I start looking at other artists & try to be one of them. I learned more about myself psychologically thru my photographs.

But have I learned how to photograph? Have I achieved my initial goal? I’m afraid not. I’m still struggling with my techniques & my image quality. & I’ve never ever made any money from photography & I don’t even see the potential. I’m making photographs & enjoying them but I don’t see them being useful to anyone else. The worst part is I don’t wanna take pictures that can sell, & I can’t.

So til now, photography has become my self-healing process.

Will this medium be my final choice? I don’t know. But right now I’m into it.

I’ve been shooting with film since I started learning photography officially. Before that I was using crappy digital cameras. I’m always happy about the color & dynamic range of color negatives & I don’t think I’ve seen any digital photos look as good as film. But I’m going to do my thesis & my teacher Larry suggested me switch to digital. A canon 40D is what he recommended & I can afford. He said I can get better result shooting with a good digital camera & doing the right way. He’s going to teach me how to do it in digital. He switched to digital about 2 years ago, & he totally believed in digital now.
I know if I work in digital, it will be way more efficient & practical in the future. & maybe I’ll be forced into digital anyway cause the school’s color machine is dying.

My problem with dslrs is I don’t trust them. I have a Nikon D70 & the quality is so poor that I rarely use it. Although people have been telling me digital is good but I haven’t seen any digital photos that have the quality of film. & I searched the camera, it’s 3888 x 2592 pixels. If I output it at 254 p/i, the size is only 10″x15″. Right now I’m using 6×4.5 & 4×5, although the largest size I can print with enlarger is 16″x20″. I even like the scanning files better than the RAW files.

So if you know about digital, show me some real good examples of digital photos. I really love the color of ANNIE LEIBOVITZ. Those colors look so dense that it almost feels like dripping, creamy & greasy. Yummy!

I think she used digital in her latest work which the color is not so good anymore (but still better than other photographers).

Maybe I just have a very perticular taste for color or I haven’t seen the real good digital photos.

I don’t know her. But since I saw her photos in “American PHOTO On Campus” magazine, I cannot forget about them. So I came back & looked for her photos. There’re definitely some similarities between her work & mine.

“Situating myself as an object in carefully constructed settings, I try to capture moments of emotional crisis and social disconnection in everyday life. A combination of contradictory emotions—uprightness and vulnerability, humor and tragedy—often inhabit my work.”

I can totally feel her feelings (at least I think) when she’s making the photos. The feeling of “I have to make this idea of image happen. It will look so nice.” That’s what I feel when I’m taking my good photos.

I also see the similarity thru the rigid pose of these pictures, a feeling of formality(拘谨). We both came from Asia, out of a graphic design background.

I love her choice of color but somehow I feel the final images look a little dirty. She has a strong sense of certain fashion. & her images are darker than mine. They remind me of Korean horror movies.

She probably graduated from University of Pennsylvania in 2007. There’s really not so much about her online. I hope she’s still in US & maybe we can be friends.

Taking one’s creation too seriously

Some books, movies, and other literary works end up being unintentionally funny because they are comically clichéd or overwrought, despite appearing to be earnest and serious efforts by their creators. Examples are “so bad they’re good” movies and the style of bad writing celebrated by the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest.

from wikipedia

thoughts about my deadpan pictures.