我这几年来一直有种感觉。我无法感受到自己的生活，只能观察自己的生活并且揣摩自己应该有什么反应，然后再表演出来。不知道什么时候我已经变成了自己生活的观察者而不是本人。回想起小时候，每每被老师叫起来骂的时候，我都听得心安理得，好像是在听老师骂其他同学一样。也许我从来都没有真的出来生活过。 也许当中只是酒精作用，以为自己真的生活过。等酒精挥发后就醒来就更难受了。

摄影也是如此，从来都不认为自己有生活，而是去偷看别人的生活或者假装生活。

I’ve been having this feeling for years. I can’t feel my own life. I can only observe my life & try to guess what kind of reaction I should have, then act it out. Since when have I become my own life’s observer instead of being the one who lives it? Now I think back when I was young, whenever I was scolded by the teachers, I could always able to be contented. Almost like listening to the teacher scolding some other people. Maybe I’ve never lived my own life. Maybe I only thought I lived when I was drunk. After waking up from alcohol, I feel even worse.

Photography is also like this to me. Never think I own a life, I can only peep into other people’s life or pretend to live a life.