我经常做的另外一种梦是打人（或者动物）的梦。过去都是我打人耳光，但是怎么打都手上无力，很窝囊的。后来我慢慢好点了，可以用比较重的拳脚打人了。后来发展到用武器打人，还有动物，什么榔头啦，刀啦。不要以为我很暴力，其实我打的都是坏人哦。也许这体现了我的极端控制欲？

Another kind of dreams I alwasy have is beating somebody (or some animal) up. I used to slap other’s face in my dream, but I was always powerless. My hands were soft when they fell on the skin. Later on, it becomes little better. I get more power when I beat them up.  Now I can use weapons in my dreams to hit people or animal, like hammer or knife, etc..

Actually, I’m not that violent. All the people/animal I hit in my dreams deserve it. Maybe it shows my extreme will to control things?

When:
Friday Jun 06, 2008
at 6:00 PM

Where::
L Ross Gallery
5040 Sanderlin Avenue
Memphis, TN 38117
United States
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An exhibit highlighting the talent and diversity of up-and-coming women artists in the Memphis community.

Featuring artworks by:

Niki Johnson
Rebekah Laurenzi
Emily Walls
Pixy Liao
Lauren Hamlett

curated by Ian Lemmonds

Unfortunately, I can’t be there.

我一直是很麻木的人，但曾经有一段时间我的生活起伏澎湃，所以感受狂多。后来不知是起茧了，还是生活趋于平淡，再也没有感觉了。

I’ve always been a numb person. Even though, I used to feel alot because my life was up and down (like earthquake). Maybe because I had enough, or my life went even, I no longer feel anything.

说不定还是一直过平淡的生活好啊，就可以习惯感受琐碎的小事了。日本人吃的清淡到底是好啊。

I’m wondering if I can feel little things if my life had always been boring. It’s good for Japanese that they eat tasteless food.  (Gee, how can I express it in English?!)

不过也有可能，我天生SENSOR弱，若是生活一直平淡就一辈子没有过感觉了。

But maybe I was born with a weak sensor. I would had no feeling at all if my life was forever boring.

我的梦里面的一种，家里的墙壁后面，壁橱里面，或者地板下面有暗道。进去以后就是很长很长的隧道，好象要通道世界的另一端。今天看电视才注意到，我一看到暗道就心头一酥。

One kind of dreams I always have was about secret passages. There’s some secret passage behind the wall or in the closet or under the floor. After I entered, it’s a long long tunnel, almost to the other end of the world. I just noticed today that whenever I see secret passages in TV, I feel shiver down my spine, a pleasant one.

Yes! I can’t believe it’s next Friday. Thanks to Britt Jenkins (a student from Rhodes College’s gallery management class), I’m lucky enough to have my first solo show in Adam Shaw Studio, a very lovely space. Here’s the press release:

Adam Shaw Studio and Britt Jenkins are excited to announce a solo photography exhibition: 

Pixy Liao:  Experimental Relationship

A performance will take place in the gallery from 7 – 7:30 p.m.

Experimental Relationship will feature seven recent photographs from the talented young photographer, Pixy Liao.  Hand processed color photographs radiate seductive colors that add to the intimate nature of the work’s content.  These sensual color photographs show the artist’s investigation into the facets of relationships, but not necessarily her own.  Consequently, a dynamic tension is achieved because of the work’s performance aspect.  A summation of the work is best expressed from the following excerpt taken from her project’s description, “This project is more like an experiment to me, not a real document of my relationship.  It may even have nothing to do with me or my boyfriend.  It’s more like me throwing out questions and ideas about relationships.  I have always doubted the routines of human beings.  Why should a couple be a man and a woman?  Why does man have to be a certain way?  Why should woman be a certain way?  I feel relationships are for more complicated and always changing, and it has lots of possibilities.”

Jpg information:  “PixyLiao_pr.jpg” is “How Long Can We Kiss?” from Experimental Relationship 2008, Image courtesy the artist.

梦见一个俱乐部，类似于VINTAGE SHOP，里面有好多风格不同的房间，好多衣橱里装满了各式VINTAGE CLOTHING。客人可以更换不同衣服在那里玩。我想真是拍照的绝好地方啊。准备什么时候来拍。

后来俱乐部突然出现了谋杀案，一个不知名的女人死了，属于那种平淡偏讨厌类型的。警方开始调查，就把俱乐部关了。我及其不满，于是准备自己着手调查，好让俱乐部早日重新开张，我好拍照。

警方在盘问俱乐部老板，但是我觉得他隐瞒了些什么，好似有难言之隐。我决定帮他忙，开始偷偷翻查他的营业记录。发现他所说的案发当天的情况和事实有出入。我以为没人看到，马上把营业记录给我妈让她去做个拷贝。谁知道有摄像头被拍下来了。这时候俱乐部老板变成了我爸爸，但是是那种似乎有关系但有很疏远的样子。于是我爸爸告发了我妈妈，把她送入的监狱。但是大概因为我是女儿，他还是没告我。于是我很不开心，和他闹别扭。后来他暗示我，其实那个女人是他杀的，他是怕我们把他卖了。我说即使我们知道是你干的，也会帮你隐瞒的。后来他还是撤销了起诉，把我妈放了。

后来我就醒了，上班也迟到了。

 这个梦我的总结是，人即使是最亲近的人也不敢相信，缺乏信任感。

I dreamt about this perfect club the other day. It’s sort like a huge vintage store. There are many different styles of rooms in it. Some of the room have clothet full of vintage clothing. So the guest can play dress-up in the club. It’s an excellent location for my project, I was planning to shoot there some other day.

But there’s a murder in the club. Some ordinary towards unlovely woman was killed. The police locked down the club. I was extremely disappointed & decided to investigate on my own (somehow I was very confident about that), so that the club can reopen & I can shoot there.

 The police was questioning the club owner. But I felt he was hiding sth for someone. I decided to help him. I checked the club records secretly & found what he said was not true accoding to the records. I immediately give the records to my mom to make a copy. But I didn’t notice I was recorded on the surveillance camera. Then the club owner turned into my father, that type of emotionally attached but still far-away father. My father turned my mom into jail. Maybe because I’m his daughter, he didn’t report me. I was unhappy about him & gave him a hard time. Then he suggested he was the killer, he was afraid that we would out him. I said we would cover for you even if we knew it. In the end, he cancelled the accusation against my mom.

& then I woke up & was late for work.

My conclution is people are afraid to trust anyone including their clothest ones. Lack of trust.

像无数个夜晚一样，我坐在电脑前，疯狂地点击网页，祈望能看到某件事，某句话，带给我安慰。很累了，心有点隐隐作痛，窗外的鸟都叫了，但是我还是不肯上床。我一直不知道这个毛病叫什么，或者叫它空虚症。我像一个饥饿的人疯狂搜寻食物，但是所有都是虚无。

Like all the other nights, I’m sitting in front of my computer, clicking millions of links, in the hope of seeing some event, a sentence that will comfort me. I’m so tired that my heart start aching. The birds start singing outside. I still don’t wanna go to bed. I never know how to call this symptom, maybe we can call it emptiness. I’m like a hungry man in the desprate search for food, all in vain.

Do we really own a female vision? I say screw that. I’m a human.

I’ve been constantly thinking about what have I learned about photography, what have I learned since I came to US.

Three years ago, I had no idea what photography is. To me, it was just sth interesting & fresh, compared to my graphic design job. I had the opportunity to change myself again. I came here to learn photography, honestly, I was hoping I could be a “real photographer”. By “real” I mean someone with professional skills, who can make money with more freedom (like the photographer in “Blow-up”). I had no idea what kind of photos I wanna take, I just wished I could take good photos no matter what I shoot, where I shoot.

Then came a series of surprise, confusion & collision. I was surprised that photographer should think more than they see. I was confused to talk about my photos as art work. & I definitely didn’t think myself as artist. “Photographers are not artists.” That was my firm belief. To me, art is sth too far away.

Thanks to all the teachers & fellow students & other friends here, I am changed. I shoot photo projects & almost projects only. I start looking at other artists & try to be one of them. I learned more about myself psychologically thru my photographs.

But have I learned how to photograph? Have I achieved my initial goal? I’m afraid not. I’m still struggling with my techniques & my image quality. & I’ve never ever made any money from photography & I don’t even see the potential. I’m making photographs & enjoying them but I don’t see them being useful to anyone else. The worst part is I don’t wanna take pictures that can sell, & I can’t.

So til now, photography has become my self-healing process.

Will this medium be my final choice? I don’t know. But right now I’m into it.